Lies

Lies girls tell vs what they actually mean...
Don't bullshit a bullshitter.

These are actually super comfy heels guys, I can seriously walk in them all day
If I walk in these long enough my feet will go numb and no longer be in pain and my butt will still look good. It's a win-win.

I've really been eating healthy lately. Lots of spinach and non-fat Greek yogurt before I work out.
By spinach and yogurt I mean ice cream and pizza pops and by work out I mean Pretty Little Liars Netflix marathon.

Sorry we haven't hung out in a while I've been super busy with work!
Hanging out with you would require me to leave my apartment and put on pants. Not happening. I honestly would have a hard time even finding pants.

Let's do drinks sometime!!
See above.

You look cute... I didn't know we were supposed to dress up
Fuck you. 

*In response to a "hey what are you up to?" text...
Just chillin, what about you?
You can have a super vague response so if you ask me to do something that isn't 100% ideal for me I can make up a lie that would be pretty tough for you to fact check but really easy for me to lie about. Probably something like "I'm heading to my parent's for dinner pretty soon." Said lie can be used for anywhere from 1 - 5 hours.

I was just listening to a new music playlist on Songza!
I listen to Taylor Swift all day, everyday, until you get into my car. 

I'm not mad at you, I'm just upset.
Don't fall asleep or drink that water I gave you... It's poisoned. I'm waiting for a good opportunity to kill you.

Yeah, I'm dating casually.
I spend a lot of time with my dog. 

Let go patio hopping this afternoon! I haven't been day drunk in so long.
My drinking habits are a lot less concerning if I'm not alone.

I can't cover your shift tonight I have a meeting.
The Bachelorette is on.

Sorry I'm late, traffic was crazy.
The Bachelorette was on.

Can I take rain check? I'm not feeling really well tonight.
The Bachelorette is on. 

I'm fine!
Hahahahahahaha I'm going to make you wish you were never born asshole. 

Let this be your warning.

 



 

Cheaping Out

As a recent grad who is living on my own for the first time, I cheap out on a lot of things. I'd rather just eat a pickle and some frozen spring rolls for dinner than actually spend money on real food. But we need to draw the line somewhere...

Here's my countdown of the top 8 things not to cheap out on.

8. Netflix
It's 8$ just get it. It will change your life.

7. Adult Clothes
It's super embarrassing for a grad to go for an interview or an important meeting and your one blazer has beer on it, or have a last minute evening event and all your dresses have been worn either sitting on a bar floor or doing a walk of shame. Invest in some respectable clothing.

6. Solo Cups
How many of your glasses need to break before you realize parties are much better with Solo cups. Go for the name brand. The no-names don't have the lines necessary for proper flip cup and beer pong regulation pouring. Important stuff.

5. Cleaning Products
No, the no-name brand will not clean it properly. Yes, you will have to run the dishwasher 3 times. It will drive you batshit crazy. 

4. Tipping
If you can afford to go out for drinks, you can afford to tip. Work it into the cost of going out.

3. Beer
Getting home from a long day at work and cracking a nice cold... Lucky Lager? Dude, that sucks. You don't need to buy "the good stuff" but at least buy the "good enough stuff".

2. Coffee
My roommate and I are hanging our heads shamefully after breaking this rule. It's been a hard couple months with the crappy coffee.

1. Toilet Paper
If you are buying the 1 ply toilet paper don't invite people over. That's embarrassing. I'd rather just hold it until I get home to my on-sale-no-name-brand-decent-enough toilet paper than use that. Just bullshit.

Twenties

I'm back.

Being in my twenties has been pretty rad so far, but I still have a lot of twenties to go. Here's stuff I want to do... or already have done.

Twenty things to do in your Twenties

1. Travel
To Europe, to Asia, to Africa, from the mountains to the maritimes, to the Super Target in Grand Forks. Wherever you can go. GO.

2. Make new friends
Your old ones are great, keep them close... but you're not in high school anymore. Friendships shouldn't be out of convenience. Find people that like the same things as you.

3. Be ballsy
Cold call places you want to work. Ask him out. Ask for that promotion. What's the worst they can say, No?

4. Fall in love
Then fall out of love, then back in love, then out again. Break up, make up, move on and then go back. Love is supposed to be fun. Don't make it monotonous.

5. Eat
Wings, chips, ice cream, avocados, spinach, and greek yoghurt. Find a balance and remember it's okay to cheat. Stop counting calories and just live healthy.

6. Don't be so concerned about your finances.
Don't be stupid with your money; but experiences are worth more than that extra big savings account you've been holding onto since your sixteenth birthday.

7. Sleep
Sleep a lot. This is the last time in your life when sleeping past noon is acceptable. Why do old people get up so early??

8. Remember birthdays 
Don't be the asshole that forgets about your best friend's/boyfriend's/mom's birthday. You're old enough to write these things in your calendar or day planner like an adult. Don't rely on Facebook to remind you.

9. Play games
Not talking about Call of Duty. Play games. Card games, board games, beer pong for gods sake. Anything that gets you actually talking to the people you're hanging out with. Splurge the $30 and buy Apples to Apples or Taboo. Stop only inviting people over to "just watch a movie" DO something.

10. Do something alone
Sign up for a sport. Take a fun class. Move away. Learn how to be independent.

11. Care about something
Find a cause, a charity, a movement, a news story that you are passionate about and be a part of spreading it's message.

12. Get a grown up job
What do you actually want to do? Then do it. Part-time is better than nothing. Experimenting with different jobs will show you what it is you love. No shame in keeping the old job on the side for extra cash.

13. Take pictures
You're going to want to remember how young and hot and fun you were when you're old and wrinkly.

14. Skinny dip
Because that's a good story. And the older you get, the weirder it is.

15. Take the hand-me-downs
It doesn't make you less trendy or a charity case. Take your mom's old couch and your friend's used coffee maker for your apartment. The money you're saving can go towards all those super cool trips you're going on.

16. Take a lazy day
Watch an entire season of the OC while eating frozen fruit in your pyjamas. When you get old there will be projects to do, work to be done, and errands to run. For now, relax.

17. Pull an all nighter
Got class in the morning but an awesome party to go to tonight? Just do it. I don't advise doing it often... but now and then just go, have your fun, and deal with the consequences later. Your body can only handle that kind of crap for so long.

18. Take responsibility
You've been placing blame on others your whole life, because that's what kids do. Don't be afraid to say that you messed up. Shit happens.

19. Learn your limit
When you were 17 it was cool to chug vodka until you puked all over your friends living room, then get up and grab a beer. In your twenties... that's not as cool. Actually it's not cool at all. It's a giant pain in the ass and people will stop inviting you to parties.

20. Have fun
Just do what you want to do. You can only be young and selfish for so long.

Sanity

Sometimes as a student you accidentally let your sanity, along with your life outside of school get away from you. I don't think I've ever dealt with this to as much of an extreme as I have this week, and this term.

We need to discuss the outfit I wore out in public a couple days ago.
Sweatpants.
Socks.
Flats. Tweed. See here.
Sweater typically used as pyjamas.
I can't wear blazers and cute dresses anymore. I just can't. I need sweatpants.

Also my list of things I've left to the last minute for my trip is ridiculous.
Today I slept in until 1. I didn't get home from work until almost 3am, and I've been sick, so I'm calling that acceptable. But nonetheless my day is pretty much gone.

I needed to come into school today, so I'm here for another few hours.
I leave for the airport in 10 hours and I haven't even started thinking about packing yet. or bought any of the things I need in order to pack. I can't even tell you where my passport is. In one of 6 typical hiding places for important things let's hope.

But I think I'm going to go out and drink tonight anyways. You can only be a young and irresponsible student once, right?

Wish me luck!

Wing Night

I'm amazed at the extreme cases of manners, or lack thereof, that I witness every single shift working at the bar. I was serving a younger couple this week on a wing night and when I went by to grab the finished baskets off their table they said something that totally shocked me.

"Sorry, I hope it's okay, we just piled our napkins between our plates here. We just didn't want you to have to touch our used napkins!"

SHOCKED

There are people out there who understand how gross it is for servers to pick up your slobbery, wing saucy, torn up napkins?!

The manners that this young couple had is an amazing and extremely rare thing on wing nights.

So just to clarify for people that may not know what is an acceptable level of manners to maintain while gobbling down your deep fried wing deliciousness here's a list of guidelines to follow:


1. Use the plates

Remember how a couple minutes before your wings showed up I gave you plates? That wasn't just      for shits and giggles. They have a purpose. You're supposed to put your bones on them so I don't have to pick up your chewed on bones from the floor, and the table. OHHHH. 

2. Whatever you touch with your saucy fingers, I touch an hour later.
You have full access to wetnaps and napkins. There is no reason why your beer mug should lose its transparency five wings in. It was see-through when i dropped it off, it shouldn't be brown when I pick it up.


3. Be Patient
No, sometimes your wings won't come in ten minutes. There are 15 people at your table, all ordering two baskets, and we're clearly full and on a wait. Do you think we have 30 deep friers in the kitchen?! WAIT. CHILL OUT. THEY WILL COME.


4. If you wouldn't do it to your mother, don't do it to me.
Don't command me, ask me. I am not a slave.
Why did you leave pieces of wings and onion loaf on the chair, table, floor, in your water glass, in the wetnap container, lining the salt shaker, on the window ledge, and inbetween the booth and the wall?
Why did you take the ice out of your glass and watch it half melt on the table? That was very weird and inconsiderate.
If you are over 8 years old you cannot get away with making concoctions of pepsi, bbq sauce, salt and pepper in your glass. Hell, you can't get away with that even under 8. It's never cute.
Have you ever yelled at your mother for not giving birth to you a year earlier? Then don't yell at me for it! You're 17! Leave the lounge! I'm not the law!


And I've said it before, but I'll say it again, Don't you EVER snap your fingers at me.

Grumpy

The looming cloud of shitty months of winter has been extra shitty this week. Lets throw ourselves a pity party shall we?

1 - Everyone said that the third term of CreComm is the hardest, but holy shit they could have told me a few more times so that I took it seriously.
I think I'm going to need extra physio and chiropractor appointments to accomodate the "I'm carrying a camera, tripod, lighting kit, audio kit, purse, laptop, and binder" back problems. My goodness. 
Pray for sunshine for 2 more weeks. I want to do outdoor interviews. The life of a CreComm... sigh.


2 - I accidentally decapitated my new owl. Sorry budday.

3 - I have been given strict doctors orders to not play Ultimate for another 4 - 5 weeks. Or more. Unless I want knee surgery. Bring on the winter weight!! 

Okay I'll stop being whiney. Only if you serve me cupcakes in bed. Thanks friend. 

Waiting

Last night I dislocated my knee.
Today I waited at the sports injury clinic for 7 hours before I got to see a doctor and get some X-rays.
Here is a list I compiled of other things I could have done with 7 hours of my life.

1. Go to my Wednesday classes. That one's obvious.
2. Do 9 loads of laundry.
3. Fly to Toronto and back.
4. Drive to Minneapolis.
5. Do tomorrow's Broadcast J assignment... twice.
6. Run a marathon.
7. Watch the entire Back to the Future trilogy.
8. Play a complete game of Monopoly... maybe.
9. Watched a week and a half worth of PVR-ed Ellen shows.
10. Write at least 3 news stories.
11. Play at least 3 Ultimate Frisbee games. Dislocate my knee another 6 times.
12. Ride every roller coaster at Universal Studios.
13. Make 7 batches of cookies.
14. Facebook creep everyone in my high school graduating class.
15. Cooked two thanksgiving turkeys.

Now to figure out how to make a knee brace stylish. Wish me luck.